It is a our national duty to send these godawful Irish gifts abroad to all of our relatives who have emigrated.
By Nicole Buckler
Because life just isn’t tacky enough. But this isn’t the tacky kind of tacky. This is the cool kind of tacky, that gets you noticed by the opposite sex.
Advertise your Irishness with this 5-pack of necklaces celebrating the flag of your country of birth. You get a pack of five because you need at least two false-start-necklaces that get caught on door handles and other hook-like objects and get broken. Then the beads fling everywhere making you go red with vast amounts of negative attention. Oh yes, you certainly need five of these.
The idea behind this is lovely. You bake some bread, it tastes nice, it has a nice Celtic design on it…but here’s an idea… HOW ABOUT THE PUTTING THE WRITING IN REVERSE SO THAT WHEN YOU BAKE THE BREAD YOU DON’T HAVE BACKWARDS WRITING ON THE BREAD. Otherwise, as a gift, it’s nice. Good for people who like having such things but never …errr…actually bake.
You would not dare even for a minute to use these at home in Ireland. Not even for 10 seconds. But hey when abroad, this is perfectly appropriate. Let everyone know of your motoring sexiness by announcing your Irishness with these car seats. You won’t regret it. Well you will if they fall apart after five days as the reviews say they will…but until then, ride Irish stylee while resting easy on a shamrock.
Because why the feck not? Father Ted’s most famous catchphrase should be given to the entire world. On St Patrick’s Day, let’s advertise to the world this excellent swearword substitute. Feck. Feck. Feck feck feck.
50 Shades of Grey? Why not try 50 shades of Green? This has wildly good reviews, so why not send it to that special family member? This is the first book in a series of 8, all focused on highly sexual Irish people romancing each other and being warriors and maidens and stuff.
All the answers can be given to you via the blurb…
“Ronan was a legend among men…and the last thing he needed was a troublesome woman. Yet this fierce Irish warrior took a deathbed oath to protect a chieftain’s rebellious daughter. Triona was a hellion of a woman…who would let no man rule her. Raised in the ways of a warrior, she defied Ronan’s every command. So he planned to marry her off, to be rid of the wild lass forever. But in the heat of battle—enflamed by her passionate spirit—Ronan decided he wanted this beautiful, impossible woman for himself!”
If you don’t do a tiny puke into your nose, you’ll be sure to love this romantic saga.