The Insane Future of the Family Car


As many fans of Old Moore’s Almanac know, our in-house psychic has proven to be excellent at foretelling what is to come in technology. Now he predicts what our cars will be like in 2035…

The most exciting part of being a psychic for me is seeing how technology will be transforming our lives into the future. So I will share with you what I see as our future in the coming years. There are so many exciting things to look forward to. The thing to remember is that life will constantly get better overall, as we go into the future, not worse.

Transport has always been on the mind of the human being. As soon as we could tame beasts to do the legwork for us, we did. And now, we have used physics to do the same thing. There will be all sorts of exciting things going on in the sky and on the ground. But I will stick with what will happen with something we use every day… our cars. Within a decade they will be fully integrated with the road. You think the latest Tesla is impressive? Wait until you see what is in store for cars in general.



Roads will have a wireless network, and as soon as you turn on your car, it will hook up to the network. You won’t even have to steer, of course, the car will drive itself, although you can go back to self-drive sometimes. Humans haven’t quite yet got the confidence to let the computer do the driving for them. But they will in time. In the future, self-driving will be seen as a quaint skill from the past.

We will call for our cars (left parked on the network) and they will come to get us. And you will be able to programme in your destination, and the car will take you there. Satnavs will also be a quaint technology, and will become quite valuable as antiques, so hang on to yours. Just think, you will be able to go out to the pub and have a few scoops and get your car to pick you up and take you home. But you will also be able to drunk-dial your ex from your car using just voice commands. So beware.



Parents will be able to send their cars to drop their kids off at school, and the cars will be able to take pets to the vet, too. I do see this as much better and safer than relying on humans who can make terrible mistakes at the wheel. I do see one scandal however in that a software bug will cause a huge malfunction in a system in Europe and cause a huge crash which includes large trucks and buses. However, this will be a one-off and the rest of the system will work seamlessly.

There will also be systems to relieve traffic flows by diverting cars around problem areas. Also, some cities will develop “slot” systems, whereby cars will leave their homes at an allotted time. This will avoid all of the cars being on the road at the same time. These slot times can be rotated between drivers and people can book their slots online the night before.



Your car will be able to map the area you want to go, and display this and will automatically know where to park using parking sensors. You can watch TV (or the TV of 2035, all internet TV by then) and your car will translate foreign languages for you as you cross borders. By 2035 we will have language translator technology that will allow us to communicate anywhere with anyone as long as they have the matching device. So the impetus to learn a new language won’t be an educational tradition like it is today.

So what will power these cars? Because this technology is new it is hard for me to describe because it is not something in use right now. It won’t be fuel in the traditional sense. Cars will be much lighter than before and will almost “float” in a sense over the roads, so their need for power won’t be as extreme. There won’t be an exhaust system, so from what I feel I am being told; it is some kind of battery-operated lightweight vehicle system. But the car will charge as it drives along the network, so you don’t have to necessarily charge your car before you drive it or keep it at a minimum level of charge.



An interesting new feature will be night vision. Your windows will have technology that allows you to see in the dark in areas that are not lit. And this is also for areas that aren’t on the ‘network’… they will be dubbed ‘off-road.’ There will also be a change in taxis. They won’t be manned any more. Instead you will pay a flat fee for a ride. Some taxis will be novelty version, large with a bar or karaoke in them! There goes the neighbourhood!

There is nothing to be afraid of in the future, these new transport systems will be so much safer and humans won’t have to trust that other humans won’t kill them on the road any more.



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