Garden Gadgets That will Make You Look like a Pro-Gardener

Garden Gadgets: BEE STATION

Bee ready. Whatever your opinion of bees – fuzzy little honey farmers, or deadly flying menace – one fact has become indisputable. Their numbers are dropping alarmingly fast. And without bees we have no fertilisation of plants including the ones both we and the animals eat.

A lack of bees could mean that we will be living on Spam, dug out of bunkers made in 1917. Doesn’t sound very tasty. But instead of letting this situation slide into a bee-less world of jerky and spam-eating people warring over the last sultana, we could instead help the bees get a foothold on population recovery.

Decline

The decline in the bee population has not yet been totally solved, but some scientists think that one aspect could be that they don’t have anywhere to nest anymore. These days urban bee habitats are being pushed aside to make way for sprawling suburbs, perfect grass doused with pesticides and hosed down with slug repellent.

There is no place for the poor little bees to get some R&R that isn’t fumigated with stuff that hurts their brains. But balance is just an internet purchase away.

The ceramic Bee Station provides a safe, dry corner of your garden where bees can nest or simply take a breather. The feet act as reservoirs for sugary syrup which can give the overworked little chaps an energy boost. Plus, a landing platform at the centre of the structure can be packed with clean dry material, suitable for nesting. And honey, you’ve helped the fertilisation process get on its way.

To buy one click here.

Garden Gadgets: INSECT HOTEL

We all like hotels with their crisp sheets and crazy posh Egyptian threadcounts (and if you are in Dubai, helipads and gold-plated gold plates). Well guess what? Apparently, insects also are quite partial to hotel stays (and I wouldn’t be surprised if they got stuck into the mini-bar too when no other Hexapoda are looking). Hence the need for an Insect Hotel in your backyard, if not only to satisfy an insect’s need for a citybreak.

With its collection of hidey-holes, the Insect Hotel gives your garden’s insects a place to stop and take a breather. Why you scream WHY would you want buzzing, crazed possibly biting ugly creatures swarming around your beer deck? Well, ladybirds, for example, eat over 5000 aphids in their lifetime! If you’ve ever lost a cherished plant to aphids you’ll understand what a little ruddy hero this makes the ladybird. Just hook this stylish wooden hotel in the branches of your trees. Then sit back and let nature find it. The Insect Hotel is made from ethically-sourced wood, making it a stylish a guilt-free addition to any garden.

To buy one click here.

HERB MAT

This is a garden item that is for those who kill plants by just looking at them (you know who you are). If a plant wilts in your presence for no other reason than that of you being an allergen to all living things, then all you have to do it cut the herb mat to fit whatever part of the garden you want it to fit into. Then you just cover it with a bit of soil, and watch it grow. (You may have to water it every now and again, try not to kill by way of H2O homicide.)

And here’s the good news for the impossibly lazy gardener, most herbs can be hacked of all foliage when you have a fancy dinner party planned, and they will grow right the heck back. Although some rebellious plants will need replanting annually like coriander and basil. This is one garden product that will make you look painfully skillful without any sweat lost. And that is the only way to garden if you are a plant-killing lazybones.

To buy one click here.

SEEDBED ROLL

If you have tried the herb mats and herbs have been grown successfully and nobody has lost any fingers to unneeded garden implements, then you may now feel qualified to try growing salad. This is assuming that you don’t in fact live on Spam and sultanas and like some of the lettuce family every now and again. If you have tried to grow salad leaves and have refused to use pesticides, not wanting your esophageal tract to mutate, and you have just ended up feeding the slugs, then this product is for you.

Developed for commercial growers, the revolutionary Seedbed Roll is now available for all you backyard veg-fans. And here’s the good news, it is derfwad-proof. This is because it protects itself during the growing process. It’s a seed-laden grow mat and polytunnel, scientifically developed to conserve water and produce chemical-free, bug-free and disease-free veg. I’m in love.

Garden gadgets: setting it up

All you do is lay the seedmat on the watered soil. You put something heavy on the edges like more soil to keep it from blowing away in Ireland’s galeforced weather. When the seeds germinate they then anchor themselves into the soil. As the leaves grow they begin to gradually push the transparent polytunnel up, creating a protective environment. And the most exciting news of all is that there is NO WEEDING to be done. It’s like some lazy garden of sloth-like Eden. When your lettuce is fully grown, simply roll back the compostable film and crack out the French dressing.

1. Lay the seedbed roll on watered flat soil. Cover edges to prevent lifting by the wind.
2. Seeds germinate and roots anchor the seedbed roll. Leaves start to lift the plastic film.
3. Leaves grow strongly in a protected micro environment as perforations in the film expand to form a tunnel.
4. The compostable film can be rolled back at or before harvest.

To buy one click here.

DESKTOP CARNIVOROUS PLANT SET

This little garden gadget isn’t REALLY for your garden, it IS a garden. In a microcosm-kind-of-way. But the beauty of this garden is that you can put it anywhere you need it, like on your work desk, the place where thoughts of mini-Edens are especially needed. And it can in fact provide entertainment of the horrible flesh-eating variety. You can watch the carnivorous plants slowly and painfully consume insect life. This insect life has probably just hotfooted out of their insect hotel rooms, leaving them vacant for another creepy insect to move right on in and also be devoured in a similarly god-awful manner.

The growing set includes seeds to produce the varieties Venus Fly Trap, Yellow Trumpet, Hooded Pitcher Plant and Cobra Lillies, among others. The only meat-eating flora omitted from this portable garden is the Triffid, which will make you sad if you would like to direct one towards your overbearing boss. And here’s more good news… these meat-eating creatures grow best in a bog environment, so you can create your own authentic bog with the included peat planting mix. This rare and unusual collection of carnivorous plants will flourish for years in this specially designed terrarium with proper care. So you can watch your little camp of flora devour generation after generation of insect families. It’s a cruel world.

To buy one click here.

SPRINKLER HIDE-A-KEY

Although I do wonder if you will fall under suspicion in Ireland with this device seeing as there is NEVER a need for sprinklers. God provides that service free here on a daily basis. It’s a good thing that there is also a rock hider.