WORKING THE HOROSCOPE

WORKING THE HOROSCOPE

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Horoscope 1

People use the horoscope to solves all sorts of daily emotional hassles. But could you use the zodiac to smooth out relations at work? We find out.

Are you butting heads with a co-worker? You may be able to lubricate workplace friction using advice from the zodiac.

We all have those great associates who are pure bliss to work with. You click together immediately and bring each other donuts and Redbull without a second thought. But then, there are the other co-workers who drive us utterly bonkers. We lie in bed at night fantasising that they will get horribly drunk at the next work party and end up pole dancing in their undies. And of COURSE we post the footage to all relevant social media.

While we all would like to kick-box a control-freak co-worker in the temple, there really is no better solution than to figure out a way of working together more effectively. Yes, you heard me; we MUST find a way to get along with that raging porkchop from sales.

Try not to kill Sean from Sales.

Try not to kill Sean from Sales.

We should resort to every method available to resolve a bad situation. Solutions are out there for avoiding the black hole. You could watch every back episode of Dr Phil on mediation. You could try disciplining the problem person with an electric cattle prod. And you could also get some compatibility advice from the stars. And by that I don’t mean Tom Cruise and Angelina Jolie. I mean those shiny things in the night sky.

Using an astrological solution could morph us from head butters into cooperators. Think about this before you bulk-mail your CV out and then launch yourself out of the nearest office window. Maybe the nutter you are having problems with isn’t really as fruity as you thought they were. The problem may just be that your star signs are incompatible. Many people have turned to the stars to solve relationship problems, why not one at work?

Credibility

So how credible is the whole zodiac shenanigan? That seems to be a matter of opinion. Astrology started out in the same bag as astronomy, zillions of moons ago. It makes its appearance in almost every early culture, from classical Maya civilizations and medieval Europe and through ancient India. But soon the two areas of astrology and astronomy parted company when scientists became a bit more hard-core about needing proof for every crazy claim the world had to offer at the time. So now, astronomy remains the scientific study of celestial bodies, whereas astrology is the ‘art’ of matching these planetary movements to earthly affairs. And of course, this means that the modern-day scientific community scoffs at astrology, and what boffin with bad hair and daggy glasses wouldn’t? But there’s something about the zodiac that we just can’t seem to let go of. After all, it is rather suspicious how our personalities do match our zodiac descriptions, especially the good bits. Even today, astrology influences lives in both Eastern and Western cultures. It is like Wikipedia – an entity which is everywhere, even if we can’t be sure of the credibility factor.

Boffin Research

Speaking of boffins, a French psychologist and statistician called Michel Gauquelin spent his life trying to disprove astrology as a bit of old baloney. Mostly, in this he succeeded. But he sometimes ended up being startled by statistics that proved otherwise. During one stint with stats, he found correlations between some planetary positions and certain human behaviours, such as which career paths we choose. He called this the “Mars Effect”. He even postulated that Mars occupies certain positions in the sky more often at the birth of eminent sports champions than at the birth of ordinary people. So if you feel that you are in the wrong job, maybe it has something to do with the Mars Effect. You need to get your natal chart (or birth chart) drawn up so as to smack you out of the notion that your calling is in real estate, when in fact you should own an O’Brien’s franchise. Natal charts can be drawn up for you for free on many sites on the web. I bet you are curious now, huh? You have permission to go forth and Google…

While the “Mars Effect” theory is fascinating, after Gauquelin’s study was published, along came a barrage of studies completely refuting it, as well as some reinforcing it. Unfortunately, for those who burn with curiosity about the subject will be disappointed to know that neither side received mainstream scientific notice. So will we ever know for sure how much effect the stars have on us and our career choices?

Influence of the Stars

Influence of the Stars

If you don’t think celestial bodies such as the moon and the sun affect us little earthlings, then consider the following. Astrological researchers claim to have found statistical correlations for all sorts of earthly events, from the mundane to the apocalyptic. Here are some.

  • At the University of Miami, psychologist Arnold Lieber tested the old belief of full-moon lunacy. Data collected on homicide in a Miami county over 15 years showed that there were 1,887 murders during this time. Lieber compared the timings of homicide with the phases of the moon. He claims that the two rose and fell together for the entire 15 years. So if you are thinking of killing a work colleague, be sure to check where the moon is. Maybe try mediation on a waning moon rather than planning homicide by the photocopier on the full moon.
  • Most of the world’s hardwood comes from tropical rain forest countries in South America and Southeast Asia. These poor trees are hacked down on a waning moon. Why? Because during a full moon, the sap rises in the trees, and bleeds from the tree. This attracts pesky deathwatch beetles, which can devastate the remaining trees. Managing this cycle according to the moon means the difference in profits versus losses. So life is affected by astral bodies anyway.
  • The sun seems to knock us dodgy little earthlings around a bit as well. A Soviet professor by the name of Tchyivsky purports that throughout history events such as wars, migrations, crusades, uprisings, and revolutions have clustered around peak sunspot periods. I know how cranky some people get when they are hot, you don’t need to convince me. Try being on a Spanish beach midsummer and fighting for a beer.
  • Even Charles Darwin got on the moon bandwagon. He believed that menstruation was linked to the moon’s influence on tidal rhythms. This is supposedly a legacy of our origin in the murky depths of the sea. And everyone knows that the moon is responsible for the tides. And we humanoids are mostly water…

Horoscope 4

These theories are all well and good, but how can you use astrological knowledge to ease a workplace flare-up? We took a look at workplace problems and gave an astrological solution.

Problem from Person A: My colleague and I have had a difficult working relationship from the very start. In meetings we frequently butt heads. Our basic approaches seem to be different, so we often find that we disagree about how our tasks should proceed. I prefer to ensure that the solutions we find to problems are good, solid, clean, long-term solutions, even at the expense of timescales. I don’t like ‘quick fix’ solutions. My colleague, on the other hand, seems to be the opposite – he gets a problem solved quickly but will often have to revisit the solution later when things change. Also, we both have teams under us, but our approaches to leading those teams are very different. I would tend to be quite relaxed about details like time keeping and formality, but I demand a high level of perfection. My team members are free to develop their solutions without my interference, but when I review them I make sure that the solutions are well-structured and solid. My colleague seems to focus a lot of energy on the formal working habits of his team members – what times they are at their desks working, exactly what they are doing. He gets involved, often, in the nitty gritty activities of his team. How can I improve the dynamic between us? I’m a Virgo and my co-worker an Aries.

 

Astrological Solution: Aries likes to push their way to the front of the line, while you patiently wait your turn. The Ram believes that their way is always best, while you prefer exploring a variety of techniques before choosing the best one. Aries wants to hold the reins of power, while you’d rather be of service. Can this work partnership succeed? Yes, if you remind yourself not to undercut your colleague’s enthusiasm. When Aries comes to you with one of their brilliant ideas, listen patiently and then praise their innovation. Wait an hour or two before posing practical questions like, “How will we finance this project?” or “Do we have the skills to make this successful?” When Aries and Virgo work together, they may at first think they have nothing in common and not much to learn from each other. This is an alliance that takes time to develop, and each member of the team must learn to understand where the other is coming from.

Response from Person A: I can see some things in the solutions that would make sense and, in fact, may already have started working. Certainly, more recently, my working relationship with my colleague has become easier. This seems to be because of things that are suggested by the analysis – particularly when I sit back and simply listen without comment to my colleague and wait until later to go over the pitfalls of his solutions. However, I also think that the astrological analysis of my own behaviour is not entirely correct. I believe that my colleague and I share some of the traits on which we are supposed to be different and that this is often a source of our difficulties. There are definitely points in the analysis that will help me to focus more on improving my working relationship. But, I wonder if these points are just sensible and would be basically the same whatever our star signs were.

Problem from Person B: I run my own company, and have one employee, Eddie. Generally, we work okay together; however there are a few niggles. Eddie lacks motivation and initiative and needs to be told what to do. He disapproves of me, doesn’t respect my authority and doesn’t laugh at my jokes! He also tends to be a bit moody. How can I approach this situation differently so as to generate a new dynamic between us? I’m Cancer and he’s Scorpio.       

Astrological Solution: Your uncanny intuition lets you know that your Scorpio colleague is an ally, not an adversary. The fact is that the both of you have a healthy suspicion about the world. Cancer and Scorpio have a great deal in common that will keep their alliance strong. Once Scorpio and Cancer learn to trust one another and believe in each other, they are a team that can achieve almost anything through sheer determination. The partnership will only fail if the two of them truly cannot overcome their opinionated, stubborn sides.

Response from Person B: This hits the nail on the head. I have never doubted my decision to work with Eddie but there have been days when I didn’t understand what was going on with him. The mood swings and cautious enthusiasm for any good news was, I feared, a lack of faith in me as the boss and my ability to take us where we needed to go. After reading the solution I now understand that the Scorpio is merely balancing my cancer and we are a real team.

 

Conclusion

In conclusion, it is better to lubricate and mediate than to continue with conflict and the hoarding of electric cattle prods. Why not try the zodiac method for approaching your nemesis in a different way? You may have to break into the HR files at night to find out their date of birth. But sure, anything in the name of workplace relations can only be a good thing.

 

Do you use horoscopes to sort out messy personal affairs? Email us editor@oldmooresalmanac.com

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