The Ireland of Legend…. in a Bottle



Looking for godawful gifts to send to relatives who have emigrated? Well this just might save the day.

Having decided that one day out of 365 simply isn’t enough for the varied attributes of Ireland’s heritage to be shared with the world, the Kilkenny entrepreneurs behind the innovative start-up company Sure It’ll Be Grand have come to the realisation that the world needs a bit of Ireland all the year round.

The goal is to bring the very essence of Ireland to the world market, beginning with the air that’s breathed by the Irish men and women whose storied traits are the stuff of legend. They’ve found a way to capture the beauty of the mountains and the sea, the eloquence of the people, and their bracing wisdom in a bottle and offer it for sale.

The company wants to help civilisation claim a touch of Irish for themselves so that the unique qualities of Eire can be enjoyed by all. They want to give the world the Irish that it needs to overcome the soul-stealing disappointment of living in the modern-day world which has no magic to redeem it. Except in Ireland, of course, where magic is on the menu.

So they travelled the length and breadth of the Auld Sod. They journeyed to the halls of Tara where the great kings once ruled. They toured the fields of battle where gallant warriors fought. They entered the hallowed halls of the universities and seats of learning where Celtic scholars discerned the wisdom of the ages. They kneeled in reverence at the ancient sites where worshipful clerics copied manuscripts. They visited the libraries, the theatres, and the bookstores where Ireland’s treasure trove of bards and writers wrote lilting pages that have endured through time.

But let’s be frank, all that walking and listening and studying can leave a person dry of throat. So the next stop was to another of the landmarks of Ireland, the pub, where they engaged in deep and meaningful conversation with their fellow countrymen, after deciding to stand a round of drinks in the spirit of companionship. And then perhaps, a few rounds more, raising a glass for each of the remarkable gifts that Ireland has bestowed upon a grateful world: whiskey. . . the Book of Kells . . . hurling . . . potatoes . . . whiskey . . . poetry . . . literature . . . Celtic Woman . . . U2 . . . Riverdance . . . whiskey . . .

When they went back out into the fresh Irish air, they had their answer. They couldn’t quite recall what the question was, but being Irish and up for anything, they continued on their quest, breathing in the air that is unlike the mundane oxygen of lesser nations, inhaling the aromas of nature at her most fragrant—

That’s when it hit them. The air! Irish air, to be exact, and not to be confused with the O2 that other mortals breathe in other places. There’s nothing like Irish air. So they stood on the peaks of the Macgillycuddy Reeks and on the shore of the Irish Sea. They breathed the air, and then they bottled it. Before Michael Flatley could have danced a jig, “Fresh Irish Air” was captured and ready for market.

Continuing on their way, they encountered an Irish sage sitting on a bench in a village known for its wise old men. They paid heed as his words of wisdom—“Ah would ya ever cop on!”—provided sound advice to those in a spot of bother and before the rising of the moon, “A Bit of Cop On” was secured in its bottle.

Emboldened by their success, they next made their way to another pub where a charmer was engaging the interest of a red-haired cailin. No tongue-tied swain here. With so much charm to spare, and without a single kiss to the Blarney Stone, the “Gift of the Gab” was captured in a bottle to aid those poor unfortunates who would otherwise be silent and forlorn.

With this sublime treasure in their hands, the next task of our Kilkenny lads was to let the world know that rescue from the dull doldrums is at hand. Each bottle of the Irish answer to all your problems will be available singly but there’s also a three-pack, “The Tricolour” for those who lack all three of the unique Irish qualities.

Think of it as the essence of Ireland, ready to be shipped to the world. Be sure to watch the clip below.


Ah well.


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