These are green but not in the good way. In fact, they may kill you in large amounts. But hey, who cares? It’s Paddy’s Day.
Green Eggs and Ham
After reassuring everyone at the breakfast table that the eggs aren’t from a newly-discovered alien, green eggs and ham can be a great way to kick off a traditional Irish breakfast. To make the eggs green, all you have to do is poach them in water with green food colouring in it. It will look totally sick. And perhaps like your kitchen will give you a range of serious diseases. But hey it is Paddy’s Day, let the green take over.
The other thing you can do with eggs is to hard boil them, and peel them. Leave them in a bowl overnight with water and green food colouring. The next day, you can serve them in a bowl just on the table, or make green egg sandwiches with them. Gross and rather awesome at the same time. But mainly gross.
Green Mashed Potato
We Irish have always mashed veges in with our potatoes. So what better way to celebrate Paddy’s day than with some green mash! You need:
-Sprigs of thyme and parsley
Cook the potatoes as normal. Then throw all of the green ingredients into a blender. Purée the green stuff, then add the cream. Once the cream and the green stuff has been wazzed for a few seconds, put it in with the drained potatoes and mash. The kids will love it! Or not… You could call it dinosaur snot or bacteria from Mars? It’s all in the marketing.
These are a staple on Paddy’s Day. All you have to do is follow your normal cupcake recipe, but add green food colouring to both the sponge AND the icing. You can even go to the supermarket and get Paddy’s Day decorations for on the icing.
If you are feeling particularly clever, then you can make shamrock cupcake. Just bake three cupcakes and push them together. Have a look at this recipe. It takes a little bit of fiddling around, but if you commit to it, you will be a shamrock cupcake legend.
Jelly is great because you can do a lot with it. It can just be sitting in a bowl by its lonesome. But also it could be made into a green trifle, with green sponge and green cream. It may look like several layers of the riverbank covered in slime, but it will taste great. Another idea is to put green fruit like kiwis and grapes into the jelly, or if you are making trifle, you could put the green fruit in the layers of it. Sneak some Midori in there as well for the adult version. You can give the Midori jelly to the kids if you want to pull them down from the curtains rails several times over the course of the night.
If you do drink the black stuff, then you can green it up for the day. The only thing is that with Guinness, it is so dark, and needs so much food colouring, that you will end up with green lips and a green tongue once you consume it. For days. You will look like you choked on a frog. Nevermind. If you opt for a lighter brew, and you will be fine. Make sure you put in enough food colouring to make it a good deep and bright green colour (about 6 drops). Less than this and it will be the colour of a very sick person’s urine. Not good.
This is for when the kids have REALLY gone to bed…or have moved away to college. This is not to be consumed DURING the parade, as there will be not toilets anywhere and you will have to drive home to pee.
The Midori Melonball is said to trace its roots back to 1978, when the Midori Melon Liqueur first hit American shores in New York and Los Angeles, and Suntory International Corp. needed a cocktail to promote the brand. Different types of juices are used in different regions of America and countries around the world. As for the meaning of melonball… it was once a slang term for a well-endowed woman. But seeing as it is green, or rather, super-bright green, it makes the cut as a Paddy’s Day drink.
Midori: 60ml (2oz)
Top with orange or grapejuice.
Careful now, alcohol content is 17%!
Enjoy your day, people!